i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
