Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
These tits shall not be calmed
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