Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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