bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
do nipples grow back?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
