i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
