i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
