I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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