Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
