i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
