big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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