I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
