Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
