i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do vagina's smell?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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