did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
