just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
there is glitter all over my balls
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
