I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
