Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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