every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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