At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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