can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
