you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
