So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
