I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
