you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
