Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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