More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
