Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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