Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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