Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
