Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
