girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
