dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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