My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
