What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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