I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
