In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
