party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
