Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
