I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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