why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
