You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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