So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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