mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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