If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
