I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
