I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
