I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
