They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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