I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
