There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
