Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
