You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
